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Shadow Working: Uncovering Shadows

4/29/2014

3 Comments

 
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For as long as I can remember I’ve been trying to escape my physical body. 

When I was a child I would spend hours playing with my “imaginary” friends, as I grew older I would spend time in my “imaginary world” complete with specific places: like coffee shops, night clubs, stores, parks, and my friends’ homes, and as an adult I would spend time sleeping and “dreaming” or finding way to reached altered states of consciousness through prayer, meditation, and trace. And then I had the more obvious ways of escaping this reality: media. Reading, movies, TV, music, video games, and the internet brought me to those non-physical places that I enjoyed living in. 

One might think that because dancing is a physical activity it would have be a good way to stay anchored in the physical dimension however for me it was an easy way out and into the “other” realms. The dancing I would do wasn’t structured like ballet. I never took a dance class that required me to learn routines or specific movements … I would just turn on the music and allow my spirit to move … which as you can 

imagine, lead me to the altered state of consciousness that I was constantly seeking. 

I only came to this realization about myself recently and it has been Yoga that has brought this epiphany. Perhaps to you, if you have known me for years, or we have a close friendship, you may have already recognized this about me or perhaps you just intuitively figured it out, but I hadn’t until recently … within the last couple of months or so. I realize that this urge to disconnect from my physical body has been with me for such a long time; years even, or maybe my entire lifetime on this physical plane of existence. I’m not sure why that is but I have a strong desire to discover why.

I’m sure I’ve written here on my blog before how Yoga has been cathartic for me. It is bringing both parts of me together, integrating my non-physical self and my physical self into Oneness, which apparently I haven’t experienced for years (or ever?). Because Yoga provides physical poses, precise yet graceful movement, a concentration on breath, and mental focus, it brings all aspects of me (body, mind, and spirit) into NOW – that moment however, in my own tricky way I have found myself seeking ways in which to detach especially when there is a large class at the studio and there is less focus from the instructor on me. The most challenging class, yet the most beneficial class that I’ve had was when it was just the instructor and myself because then I cannot disappear into my head … detach from what is going on physically with me.

I am so frustrated with myself. It seems that I am trying to self-sabotage and yet consciously I am trying to put my conscious intention into integration because I know and feel that it would be so freeing for me. Why, oh why, am I so desperately trying to stop myself in my personal progress! Just writing this and forcing myself to acknowledge this is so overwhelming. There’s something here … something that would be so beneficial for me to integrate.

GAH!

3 Comments
Joanna DeVoe link
4/29/2014 12:51:57 am

Chills!!! There IS something here. For sure... Stick with it, Sheri, & THANK YOU for sharing your personal journey... -xo

Reply
CricketSong
4/30/2014 12:13:11 am

Thank you for reading and leaving such a supportive comment, Joanna. This means a lot to me. I love you.

Reply
Nerrak
7/9/2014 01:28:08 pm

Even though it is 4 months from the date written, I am just now reading it and now I know why. I did notice something different during the times we were in class. I didn't want to ask you about it because I knew it was a sensitive subject but I also felt a close connection to your struggle. In the past month or so I have been trying to come to terms with issues and trying very hard not to detach myself from them anymore. It is much easier to detach ourselves than to confront the pain inside. I do not think you are self sabotaging yourself, I believe, my friend, that was your first step into learning how to bring it all together.

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