These cycles can be experienced in other ways, in the more energetic ways. The shifting of the energy of the seasons as the Earth revolves around the Sun and spins on its axis changes the rhythm of the energies that effect life on the planet in more subtle ways than the changes the physical bodies and matter experience with time. It seems that this past year has been an exercise in transition for me within my spirituality.
This has been a year of not only freedom, but exploration and self-discovery. It has allowed me time to just intuit and experience instead of formulate and structure. It also has been a time for mourning. I have spent much of my time delving into the Underworld, which makes sense to me now looking back, but had confused and frustrated me this past year.
I have been contemplating questions that plagued me last May (Dwindling, Drained, and Depleted) and came to terms with clarifying the motives for the actions and behaviors that instigated the situations I experienced prior to that time. Examining the situation from this vantage point allows me some clarity that I didn’t have and I am able to see that the relationships I established and nurtured with the individuals in my life at that time were contrived. I desired to be a part of something that I wanted to change and falsely believed that I could change it in a way that truly isn’t effective. While education is important it doesn’t not create change; education provides a tool that others can use to make change. I believed that these individuals wanted not only to make a change within themselves and within the community, but that it was a priority for them because it was a priority for me. This wasn’t the case. Our priorities were not the same and I don’t believe they ever truly were, but back then I wanted them to be so I perceived them to be so, which ultimately lead to unmet expectations and feelings of disrespect and disappointment, which was as much my responsibility as theirs.
It is clear to me that I wanted to be a part of the world, while shocking it into change, but how can this be accomplished? I don’t believe it can. I do not believe that an individual can submerse themselves into the pond without becoming a fish (or mermaid). As the Bible suggests: either you are a sheep or a goat … you follow the flock or don’t. It seems to me that I was a goat pretending to be a sheep. I longed for the companionship that the flock offers, while wanting to create a change in the status quo and finding that forcing myself to me a sheep provided me more suffering than joy.
My personal spiritual practice has changed and I discuss it more in depth in the LIVE stream I recorded on my YouTube Channel on April 28, 2017. You can find that video here: I am including the video here in case you want to hear more about how my spiritual practice has shifted.