I was receiving treatment from a Chiropractor. This required me to be out of the house three days a week for about 45 minutes each visit. Usually this wasn’t an issue because my children were in school but there was a day when my daughter was home sick with a stomach virus. She didn’t want me to go to my appointment even though her Daddy was willing and able to stay with her. I understood her desire to have me stay with her, I was a little girl once and empathize with wanting Mommy, however my husband was qualified to care for her. She begged and pleaded for me to stay but after a moment of contemplation I decided that for my well-being I had to go. For my happiness – my need and desire to go to the chiropractor was more important than my daughter’s need for me to stay with her. To some that would appear selfish. Wouldn’t a ‘good mother’ stay and self sacrifice for her child? Isn’t selfishness a ‘bad’ thing? If you look the word up in the dictionary the definition of selfishness is: the concern excessively or exclusively with oneself, seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure or well-being. Sounds horrible, doesn’t it? But why do we react to the word in that way? Why do the majority of us believe that putting ourselves first is ‘bad’?
Do we react to the word ‘selfish’ in a negative way because we were taught that putting ourselves first is a ‘bad’ thing to do? If we constantly put others needs and desires before our own would we ever have anything for ourselves? And if we never had anything for ourselves would we be happy and in alignment with Universal Source or our True Will? Wouldn’t we end up resenting those we love and care about because we were constantly doing for them and not for ourselves? Perhaps you are reading this and thinking ... “Yes, we should always put others first because if we all did this then we would be giving and receiving and that is the way it’s supposed to be!” First, I would like to ask you this, why is it supposed to be that way? Who says it’s supposed to be that way? Doesn’t it make you feel good to do things for yourself? Don’t you at times feel a sense of accomplishment when you do something just for you? There are many, many times that I, too put others needs and desires before my own but do you know what motivates me to do this? It is probably the same reason that many of you do it as well. It’s not because I’m thinking of being self-sacrificing and selfless. In fact, it is because I am being selfish! Putting others needs and desires before my own makes me feel good. No, good isn’t even the best word to describe the feeling I experience. Wonderful is a much more appropriate word. It makes me feel overjoyed to make others feel happy. And that, my friends, is truly a selfish reason. Isn’t it? It makes me feel good doing it and in doing that I am in alignment with Universal Source and my True Will! An interesting way to look at it, wouldn’t you agree?
Now I must stress that with everything in life and with everything within nature Herself, there is a balance that needs to be found. An individual needs to find that balance within him or her. When do they put others needs and desires first as apposed to when they put their own needs and desires first? For each of us that line is going to be drawn at a different place, which will be determined by our individual temperament, where we are on our life path and how aware of our True Will we are. So I suggest that before you call someone selfish or judge your own actions or behaviors as selfish examine the underlying motive (if you are able) and look at the word with a new perspective.